Survival Strategy #1:

Know your enemy

There are zombie video games, children’s books, parades, pub crawls, and even zombie garden gnomes. It seems like zombies are everywhere. Thing is, when the zombie outbreak arrives, they will be everywhere. Literally. With the zombie infection spreading fast and furious, the more you know about the enemy, the better. Here are a few FAQs to help you get up to speed on your zombie ABCs.

What exactly is a zombie?

Zombies are relentlessly aggressive, reanimated human corpses that gorge themselves on the living, driven by biological infection. Characteristics include off-kilter shoulders, reaching/grabbing arms, pale skin, and limited dexterity. Speed varies greatly.

How is the zombie virus transmitted?

Zombie blood and fluid are highly toxic. If a drop comes into contact with an open cut or your eye, or you’re bit, consider yourself a goner. Once the virus hits the brain, it’s irreversible. Infection is 100%, and the person will transform into the walking dead.

How long can zombies live?

Research is inconclusive, but theories indicate life span could be as little as 10 days or as long as 10 years. Rate of decomposition and environmental conditions play big contributing factors.

Survival Strategy #2:

Size up the situation

The streets are unsafe. The power is out. Rations are dwindling. And that neighbor kid just tried to eat you. (He was always a punk anyway.) It ain’t pretty. During a zombie apocalypse, freaking out is a completely natural reaction. However, if you want to survive, keeping calm is critical to carrying on. It separates the survivors from the about-to-be-eaten. So before you go nuclear, here are a few things for you to keep in mind.

All survival is local

Matt Mogk, head of the Zombie Research Society and leading global authority on all things zombie, told UGUIDE to remember that all survival is local. You can plan all you want, but sticking to any plan isn’t realistic. Meaning, you never know exactly when it’s going to happen or where you’ll be. You could be on the bus, at the office, at home, on the street. Survival is your ability to stay alive with the resources around you.

72-hour survival kit

You need a kit that will keep you going for a few days in the face of disaster. This kit should contain whatever you feel is necessary for your family’s survival, but be practical enough so you can carry it with you if you need to evacuate. Keep one in your hall closet, one at the office, and one in the trunk of your car.

Drink up

The most critical part is to keep plenty of water on hand along with a trusty water purifier. Learn it, live it, love it. Because without fresh agua, you’re as good as gone. And really, there’s only so much water you can drink out of your toilet, tub, and sink.

Survival Strategy #3:

Should you stay or should you go?

Sure, you could hunker down in your tract house or hillside castle with the windows boarded up and pray the zombies don’t break through. That starving, frantic refugees pay attention to the “keep out” signs. That you don’t run out of ammo and provisions. But let’s face it, no place is truly safe. Zombies are even on islands. Where to go depends on whatever works for you and yours. In a sea of chaos and options, here are some things to consider when deciding where to go when the dead walk among the living.

Follow the crowds or march to your own drum

You could go where the crowds are, but it’s probably not the best decision. Remember, people make zombies. So where there are more people, statistically there are going to be way more zombies. The undead are going to smell you. They’re going to hear you. It’s going to be no bueno.

Free samples, anyone?

When it comes to escaping and evading hordes of zombies, hitting up your local wholesale warehouse might seem like a slam dunk. There are jalapeño poppers, corn dogs, and chicken breasts up the ying-yang, and supplies like picnic tables, sleeping bags, and propane stoves up the wazoo. And if you’ve got a backup generator, there will be a lifetime of DVDs on aisle 4 for you to watch on the 60-inch plasma. Simply board the front of that bad boy up and you’re good to go for weeks if not months.

The only downside is everyone in the county will be coming there for the same reason — the same things — that drove you there. (Even the people who aren’t members.) So zombies, in this case, would probably be last on the list of things to worry about. Mogk says your biggest threat would be crazed, starving survivors who have evaded infection, who’d be willing to do next to anything to get inside of your beloved free-sample-filled fortress. Even if that means blowing it sky high.

Stay in school

School multipurpose rooms and gyms make good community gathering places. With the right supplies, and fortifications, you could probably hold out, especially with the very young and the very old. But you’ll eventually need to go out and bring home more bacon. If and when you do, and how many people you need to sustain, all play factors.

Get out of Dodge

“In the case of an outbreak, your best bet is to get out of town,” says Mogk. There aren’t any safe places, at least not for the long haul. Take your emergency kit with water and water purifier, and do your best not to draw attention to yourself. Remote Montana isn’t exactly the best option because you’ve got limited access to resources. But it sure sounds better than Midtown Manhattan. Again, it’s your call.