Touch Greatness You're welcome

Thought to have gone the way of the dodo in the early 90s, Kenny’s superior fashion sense has kept the super mullet alive and well. Why? Because it’s all business up top and party in the back. You feeling me?

Truth is, Kenny loves good wraparound shades. And these specials do way more than offer up maximum eye protection when skiddooing over bodies of water. The mirrored lenses will also prevent you from peering into the windows to his soul, which have been known to make the fair maidens and beach bunnies fall helplessly under his spell.

If looks could kill, oh my. Well, let me tell you, they have. This genuine high-fidelity facial topiary not only exudes pheromones and whatnot that drive the ladies crazy, it strikes pants-wetting fear into his enemies and anyone who dares to get in the way of Kenny’s relentless awesomeness.

Raging biceps like these cannot be contained, amigos. A gun show of such epic proportions must be shared so it can bring flesh-bulging joy unto the world. Besides, the ladies dig ’em.

A svelte hourglass champion physique doesn’t rock itself. To stay at the top of his game, Kenny says, “I play real sports, not trying to be the best at exercising.”

Ain’t scared? You should be. Kenny’s mad wave-riding skills and lady-killing prowess deserve the accoutrements to match. And this freebird does just the trick.

Who needs quick-dry board shorts when you can go with an original? That’s right. These repurposed acid-washed denim board shorts fit the contours of Powers’ bodily design, like a glove. You’re welcome.

Whether it’s coming face to face with your mortal enemy or a badass stingray gone loco in the cabeza, just flash him your blade, kemo sabe. The best offense is a solid defense. Plus, it looks wicked awesome. Kenny’s brother gave him this one, even though he doesn’t know it yet.